


Be my Valentine

by BicMomma



Series: Shades of Green [7]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 17:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5975785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BicMomma/pseuds/BicMomma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawkeye has a secret admirer and a misplaced Valentine leads to a undercover military mission- Operation: Save dignity!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be my Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't resist posting something Valentine related

 

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye fully expected to see a telltale envelop containing a valentine sitting on her desk. It was a running gag between herself and the Colonel for a good many years. So she wasn't surprised when she saw one on her desk.

 

She was surprised there were  _two_.

 

The larger envelop had her first name scrawled in a familiar script on the front—one that Riza saw everyday on documents at work. Inside was an over flattering card that spoke of eternal devotion and love. Below the store bought words was a personal message just for her.

 

_If you weren't so devoted, you would have shot me long ago._

 

"The only reason I haven't shot you, Colonel, is the paperwork it'd involve." Riza muttered tossing the valentine in the trash and sat down to open the small enigma on her desk.

 

The envelop was a blank yellow, as if the sender had grabbed the first one they had on hand and then personally dropped it off at her desk. Then there was the card itself. Red paper artfully cut into the shape of her sidearm. Riza drew the card closer and could see embossing that further added detail to the piece. Handwritten inside were three simple words:  _Be my Valentine._ She wondered who in the world could have done such a— _sweet_  thing.

 

* * *

"Wrath, I'm gonna kill you!" Envy screamed racing after the giggling homunculi child.

 

"With what?" Wrath taunted as the older homunculus gave chase. "The arrow Cupid shot in your—"

 

Envy tackled the boy to the ground and began pounding him two inches into the floor. In retaliation, Wrath used his alchemy to merge with the floor and return a few of the punches.

 

Off to the side, Gluttony sucked on his fingers watching the fight next to an amused Lust. Her coy smile deepened when Sloth came in, saw the fight and asked her what brought the fight on.

 

"Envy made valentine for a human woman and Wrath delivered it without dear Envy's permission." Lust replied. The stoic Sloth cracked a grin as bone snapped from a particularly hard blow. Neither one was very concerned seeing how the bone almost instantly mended. The screaming, however, was beginning to annoy Lust.

 

"Why he hasn't thought of getting his little valentine back, I have no idea." Lust commented to the other female. Envy halted his assault, his fist poised to rain another blow upon the sobbing child.

 

"Get it back before Hawkeye sees it?" he murmured seeing the merits of such an idea. He swung out of the hole that he created and darted off on his personal mission. 

 

_Operation: Save dignity_  was a go.

 

Sloth exchanged a look with Lust and Gluttony before she burst into a fit of giggles. Even Lust had a chuckle.  _Envy has a crush on_ ** _her_** _?!_

 

* * *

 

Luck was not with him.

 

By the time Envy had found a person whose form he could steal, covertly snuck inside and reached the First Lieutenant's desk, the personalized card wasn't there. He had hoped that Lieutenant Hawkeye had been so busy ensuring her procrastinating commanding officer dutifully did his paperwork that the card would go unnoticed. But even after rummaging through her desk, Envy still couldn't find the card. He was ready to sneak out of the empty office when he felt a gun muzzle pressed firmly to the back of his head. 

 

_Oh_ **_crap_ ** _..._

 

" _What_  do you think you're doing?" Riza asked calmly. Envy slowly raised his hands, struggling to come up with a feasible lie. He wasn't about to tell her the truth.

 

"I- was picking up paperwork?" he finally said progressively turning around. "I tripped carrying a bunch of paperwork and accidentally dumped it all."

 

"I saw you going through my desk." she snapped cocking her gun. "What are you  _really_  doing?"

 

Envy sighed,  _Oh well. Time to come clean. Getting shot isn't anywhere on my to-do list._

"I was trying to get my valentine back." He confessed with a smirk. Envy noticed curiously Riza's hardened mask cracked briefly. "Someone stole the thing and left it here. I was hoping to get it back before you saw ever saw it."

 

Hawkeye lowered her gun by measures, never once removing her eyes from the perceived threat. She holstered her weapon and then reached into her pocket, pulling out the red slip of paper.

 

Envy took it from her when she held it out for him. He turned to leave when Riza's low voice stopped him. "Mind if I ask who it's for?"

 

"I would have thought it was obvious." He replied over his shoulder and then walked away. Once outside the base, Envy switched back to his preferred form. It was moments later when he experienced a flash of pain and looked down to see a sizable hole in his chest that he discovered First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye had followed him out.

 

_I'm going to have such an awful taste in my mouth when I wake_  was his final thoughts before falling on his face dead.

* * *

 

Envy fully expected to resurrect. It was something that had happened many times before and knew would happen many more since he consumed so many red stones throughout his existence. So it wasn't a surprise for him to wake up in strange place.

 

He was surprised to wake up in a strange bed carrying a familiar scent.

 

The black and white puppy sitting guard on the floor at the foot of the bed began barking. Moments later, Riza Hawkeye came in with her gun drawn and trained on Envy's head.

 

"I thought there was something fishy about you,  _homunculus_." She snapped. Envy ran his tongue around his mouth scowling at the sweetened coppery taste.

 

"What were you doing at my desk?" the first lieutenant demanded.

 

"If you're going to drag me to your house to interrogate me, at least give me a glass of water."

 

"Homunculi don't need food or water."

 

Envy gave her his trademark offensively bright smile, "No, but it gets rid of the nasty taste in our mouths when we're shot dead."

 

"Black Hayate, if it moves." She told the dog pointing at Envy. "Attack."

 

Envy watched the dog turn extra inattentive as his master left to get a glass of water. He eyed the small canine who, just then, gave him a cute warning growl and couldn't refuse remarking.

 

"You know I can easily snap the dog's neck if I wanted."

 

"Touch my dog and I'll put another bullet in you." She retorted walking back into the room with a glass of water in one hand, her gun aimed and primed in the other.

 

Envy took the glass from her and eagerly drank all the contents. About halfway guzzling the water, he had to pause to take a habitual breath and then went back to chugging the liquid.

 

"Thank you." He said politely as he placed the glass down on the night stand to his right. "Now what was your question again?"

 

"What were you doing at my desk?"

 

"I was trying to get the valentine—" He was cut off by a bullet right between the eyes. Riza sighed as Envy fell forward and oozed blood on her bed. She reached over to take the glass back to the kitchen when the homunculi's hand shot out and firmly gripped her wrist.

 

" _That_   ** _hurt_** ," he growled as he took her gun away from her and tossed it at Black Hayate. The dog scampered off into the kitchen, "and now, not only do I have a nasty taste in my mouth, I got a headache." Envy snapped as the bullet in his skull eased out, landing with a dull plink on the bed.

 

"I can understand why you shot me before." He told her violently shaking Hawkeye's captured wrist. She shot out a fist with her free hand and without missing a beat, Envy caught her other wrist and jerked it next to the other.

 

"You weren't expecting a shape changing homunculi being your secret admirer." He said and cursed himself at his slip. 

 

_Operation: Save dignity_  was a failure. Dignity was taken out back and executed. By multiple firing squads. Twice for good measure.

 

"Secret admirer?" she replied blankly.

 

"Screw this, I'm leaving." Envy exclaimed releasing Hawkeye's wrists and leaping off the bed.

 

At the door, Riza's low voice stopped him again. "Why make a valentine for me?"

 

Envy sighed and didn't bother turning around. It was easier to spill his guts to her when he couldn't see her face. Besides, if she shot him again at least it wouldn't make a mess that couldn't be fixed by a bucket of bleach. Plus it'd make a peephole!

 

"I made it because I didn't expect it ever reaching you." He confessed. "I made it because we have a lot in common. We're both marksmen. We both serve someone and would die for them."

 

"It's not much of a sacrifice for you." Riza commented and Envy smirked.

 

"No." he replied. "But I'm still willing to try anyway."

 

Envy opened the door, fully intending on leaving this time but then Riza spoke again. "May I have my Valentine's Day card back?"

 

"You destroyed it when you first shot me." Envy heard Riza sigh and he finally left.

 

The following day, Valentine's Day, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye found a larger envelop sitting on her desk. Inside was bullet and another gun shaped valentine, this one more detailed than the last.

 

Inside the sleek folds of red paper read in perfectly curved font:  _Cupid shoots humans with arrows; he shot me with a bullet. See?_

She wondered how in the world a homunculus could come up with such a — _sweet_  thing.


End file.
